I am grateful for what I have. I should be. I have more tha the average person. I have a good education, a loving family and friends, somewhat of a job, a beautiful set of dogs, etc. Most importantly, I have a wonderful companion in Casey. I spend too much time trying to read her mind and deciper what she really means. Am I trying to talk myself out of being happy? Am I trying to convince her that she shouldn't be. I know I should keep my mouth shut more often than not. Lately, what comes out of my mouth is rarely indicative of how I really feel. Brian told me a while ago that I should be thinking more about what is making me happy. "Ask her once if everything is okay..If she says yes, let it go. Don't try to drag it out." Good advice, but easier said than done. I love this woman so much, and all I want to do is make her happy. I spend more time trying to figure out what is wrong than actually doing things that would make her happy. I thought about what Brian said a while back while I was at the mall tonight and went and bought some treasures for her. They did make her happy, but then I shifted back into my old habit. Right now, she is out at her friend's party, and I'm here alone wishing I was with her. Casey, everything will be okay. I will provide us with security. Not so sure about Jakers because he smells...but I will provide for you. I know things suck right now, but I am working hard. I will and always have worked hard. That will not change. Someday, we will own a wonderful house. In a few Christmases, we will be able to pay for all our presents with our debit cards instead of on credit. I will never stop loving you for who you are. As I've said before, I wish I had a magic wand to wave and make all of our worries disappear. I know I can't, but I still try...what kind of man would I be if I didn't. I won't be so accusatory when I speak to you. I won't act like I have all the answers. I won't judge you for your thoughts or feelings. I'll just pull you in for a hug and kiss and tell you everything is going to be okay. It will be. We both know that. It sucks right now, but everything will be okay. I love you, and I am always here for you. I'm glad you are out having a few beers right now. It is not a front. It is you deciding forget your worries for a little while. I should have bit my tongue earlier. "I want you to lay your head upon your savior's breast...I love you, oh but Jesus love you the best...And I bid you goodnight...goodnight...goodnight."